and then i stalked the stage door afterwards...
apparently she answers to the word "vodka"...
Chelsea Handler
i saw my idol, chelsea handler perform this weekend...
and then i stalked the stage door afterwards...
apparently she answers to the word "vodka"...
and then i stalked the stage door afterwards...apparently she answers to the word "vodka"...
my new hobby - amateur papparazzi photog...this house belongs to a certain ex-wife of billy joel. like a real papparazzi i'm not going to mention any names, but she just went through a messy divorce with peter cook.
i find that wintertime is the best time to get your papparazzi on - since all the leaves have fallen - giving you better views of your subject matter. the only problem is there are few places to hide when you are staked out in the woods...and hiding behind a pine tree can get a little hairy with the pine needles and all. my suggestion - put some ornaments in your pocket and if you are ever caught hiding out behind said pine tree, just pretend you are decorating it...
i find that wintertime is the best time to get your papparazzi on - since all the leaves have fallen - giving you better views of your subject matter. the only problem is there are few places to hide when you are staked out in the woods...and hiding behind a pine tree can get a little hairy with the pine needles and all. my suggestion - put some ornaments in your pocket and if you are ever caught hiding out behind said pine tree, just pretend you are decorating it...
Race to the White House (Via Your Driveway) 2008
every weekend these two signs move closer and closer to the edge of their driveways...the McCain driveway actually had two signs side by side but it "accidentally" fell 
down while i was trying to get the perfect picture. then somehow that same fallen sign was swept away by a hefty wind and landed in the trash can at the Target parking lot. come on now, do two signs mean you really really want McCain to win? or does it mean you really really are an ass?
people I would like to ship out to space, never to be heard from again (in no particular order):1. the jonas brothers - it's bad enough that there are 3 of them, but if i hear one more word about who did their hair, what skinny jeans they are wearing, or their chastity belts, i will have to officially stop watching the E! channel and i don't want to have to do that for those feathered-haird freaks.
2. miley cyrus - i know she's only 16, but she sounds like she's been smoking a carton of cigarettes a day for 87934 years. if she could do me a favor and bring her hannah montana character along on that space ride with her, that'd be much appreciated.
3. brad and angelina - i don't care if you adopt the whole nation of honduras, but all the talk about your growing family and your "charity work" has gotten too preachy and annoying.
4. ryan seacrest - enough said.
i have found the best diner in the world. the attraction isn't so much the diner food (although if i could i would bathe in a bowl of their matzo ball soup and use their grilled cheese sandwich as a loofah), but the best part is their crazy decorating enthusiasm for any and all holidays...they even go so far as to celebrate "groundhog's day"...but now is strictly all about halloween and has been since the 2nd week of september...
ridin' the caboose to ghost town....
if this writing thing doesn't work out i would make a mean mummy...
as if the place couldn't get any better they have a "toy house" or as i like to call it a "toy-claw-clamp-down-on-my toy-now-thingy...."
and when the toy-claw-clamp doesn't give me the toy i want...i break out my "give-me-all-your-lunch-money" bully tactics...
ridin' the caboose to ghost town....
if this writing thing doesn't work out i would make a mean mummy...
as if the place couldn't get any better they have a "toy house" or as i like to call it a "toy-claw-clamp-down-on-my toy-now-thingy...."
and when the toy-claw-clamp doesn't give me the toy i want...i break out my "give-me-all-your-lunch-money" bully tactics...
DAVID BLAINE and his "Shadoobie on a Crane"
yesterday i went into central park to see what all the hype was about with david blaine and his "dive of death". or as i like to now refer to it as "taking a shadoobie on a crane". kinda like samuel l. jackson's "snakes on a plane", but much more anti-climactic and lacking any sort of entertainment value. or snakes.when i got there david blaine was not upside down at all, but on a crane going to the bathroom in a gatorade bottle underneath a blanket. for 45 minutes!
when he finally went back upside down, you could actually stand in line and talk to him face-to upside down-face. i thought this idea was sweet until i saw the mass chaos of his "closest fans" storm the area complete with david blaine posters for him to sign while upside down.
but after waiting for him to get done with his business on the crane, this close-up picture i got of him was about all the patience i had left.so back to my "snakes on a plane" reference...if david blaine was wrapped around with a man-eating anaconda boa constricting python WHILE being suspended upside down, and he needed to stand up on a crane to get life-saving serum, now we're talking!
are you ever watching your favorite tv show, and when it comes time for the commercials you sit there awestruck by the types of commercials they have on? and you think to yourself, if this is my favorite show and these are the types of commericals trying to reach my demographic then perhaps i need to rethink my favorite shows? or by what they are suggesting i need to rethink my favorite everything?for instance, the other night i was watching "america's next top model" and during a commercial break the ads were for: stride gum (i guess i have bad breath?), swiffer wet mop (my apartment is a mess), rid-x exterminator (great, now on top of a messy apartment, i have a rodent problem), and finally the real winner - genital wart prescription (fantastic, now i have a little situation down there that i need to take care of...)
so next time you are watching one of your favorite programs, keep an eye on the commercials and see what kind of messy problems advertisers are telling you to take care of...
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