Chelsea Handler

i saw my idol, chelsea handler perform this weekend...
and then i stalked the stage door afterwards...
apparently she answers to the word "vodka"...

Bill and Me

the secret service tackled me to the ground soon after i posed for this photo with bill.

my new hobby - amateur papparazzi photog...this house belongs to a certain ex-wife of billy joel. like a real papparazzi i'm not going to mention any names, but she just went through a messy divorce with peter cook.









i find that wintertime is the best time to get your papparazzi on - since all the leaves have fallen - giving you better views of your subject matter. the only problem is there are few places to hide when you are staked out in the woods...and hiding behind a pine tree can get a little hairy with the pine needles and all. my suggestion - put some ornaments in your pocket and if you are ever caught hiding out behind said pine tree, just pretend you are decorating it...

my xmas card picture...(not shown in the photo - santa grabbing my ass...just look at his expression...he's grabbing the reindeer's too...just look at the reindeer's expression...)
gotta love a reindeer with a scarf on...

i am published!!!! click here...

watch out Anderson Cooper....i'm comin' for ya...

Race to the White House (Via Your Driveway) 2008

every weekend these two signs move closer and closer to the edge of their driveways...the McCain driveway actually had two signs side by side but it "accidentally" fell down while i was trying to get the perfect picture. then somehow that same fallen sign was swept away by a hefty wind and landed in the trash can at the Target parking lot. come on now, do two signs mean you really really want McCain to win? or does it mean you really really are an ass?

my new hobby - horse back riding...
galloping...
good horsey...
taking cell phone calls on my new eco-friendly phone...

i have found the best diner in the world. the attraction isn't so much the diner food (although if i could i would bathe in a bowl of their matzo ball soup and use their grilled cheese sandwich as a loofah), but the best part is their crazy decorating enthusiasm for any and all holidays...they even go so far as to celebrate "groundhog's day"...but now is strictly all about halloween and has been since the 2nd week of september...
ridin' the caboose to ghost town....
if this writing thing doesn't work out i would make a mean mummy...
as if the place couldn't get any better they have a "toy house" or as i like to call it a "toy-claw-clamp-down-on-my toy-now-thingy...."
and when the toy-claw-clamp doesn't give me the toy i want...i break out my "give-me-all-your-lunch-money" bully tactics...

woohoo! i can't wait to see the attractions at exit 55!!
bummer...

DAVID BLAINE and his "Shadoobie on a Crane"

yesterday i went into central park to see what all the hype was about with david blaine and his "dive of death". or as i like to now refer to it as "taking a shadoobie on a crane". kinda like samuel l. jackson's "snakes on a plane", but much more anti-climactic and lacking any sort of entertainment value. or snakes.
when i got there david blaine was not upside down at all, but on a crane going to the bathroom in a gatorade bottle underneath a blanket. for 45 minutes!

when he finally went back upside down, you could actually stand in line and talk to him face-to upside down-face. i thought this idea was sweet until i saw the mass chaos of his "closest fans" storm the area complete with david blaine posters for him to sign while upside down. but after waiting for him to get done with his business on the crane, this close-up picture i got of him was about all the patience i had left.
so back to my "snakes on a plane" reference...if david blaine was wrapped around with a man-eating anaconda boa constricting python WHILE being suspended upside down, and he needed to stand up on a crane to get life-saving serum, now we're talking!